Celebrating Our Daughter's New Birth

Our children are not only preacher’s kids, but church planter’s kids. (As anyone who has planted a church knows, it’s a completely different adventure.) Our oldest daughter was born three weeks after we launched our first church, followed 21 months later by our younger daughter (who, for the purposes of this blog, I’ll call J.J.). After a brief hiatus where Brett served on staff at another church plant, we followed God’s call to launch The Church at Sendera Ranch—expanded to a family of five, with our then one-year-old son in tow.

In other words, our kids have no idea what an established church looks like. They’ve never been part of a church that has its own building, much less activities such as children’s choir, AWANA, and the like. Instead, our kids have only known churches that meet in such unusual places as movie theaters, elementary schools, and now a preschool. And none of these church plants (so far) has offered traditional children’s church activities outside of Sunday morning classes.

On the other end of the church spectrum, I was brought up in a traditional Baptist church, where I attended Sunday school, GA’s, children’s choir, and Vacation Bible School. We put on well-practiced, extravagantly costumed musicals for the church, as well as eagerly competed in “sword drills” (finding Bible verses) and memorized large sections of Scripture for such prizes as a new KJV Bible with our name embossed on the cover. I learned how to read music--and follow the alto part--by singing out a pew hymnal, and I knew the first, second, and last stanza of almost every hymn.

To be very honest, during the past eight years, on occasion I have lamented that our children weren’t having the same kinds of church experiences I had. And (I’m embarrassed to even admit this) sometimes I worried that they would be somehow spiritually stunted from the lack of such organized, Bible-based activities as AWANA or sword drills. Still, God had called us to a life of church planting, and we’ve always understood that call to be for our entire family.

So every Sunday, our kids help set up chairs, greet visitors, and show other children where the classrooms are. And they not only participate in both services at TCASR, but they also stay to help us break down the tables, straighten the kids’ rooms, and pack everything away. They've helped us distribute door hangers, hand out brochures about our church, stuff Easter eggs, and serve popcorn and snow cones at community events.

And they have watched us host small groups, invite people to dinner, pray with and for people in our church, and share Christ as we have opportunity to do so. And since our church doesn’t have a building, Brett offices from home, where they have a front-row seat to watch him pray daily for our church, faithfully study his Bible to write each week's sermon, contact church members and visitors to pray for them, meet weekly with the men he disciples, and lead people to Christ.

Come to think of it, all the time I had spent fretting about our children not participating in traditional church activities, they were seeing God at work in ways I could never have imagined as a child.

And in answer to our earnest prayers, God has called not only our older daughter, but now our younger daughter to Himself at a young age. The details of J.J.’s conversion are precious and sweet, but for the purpose of this blog, suffice it to say that she came to know Christ with the same zeal that she has for all of life.

And on June 28, 2009, Brett had the honor and privilege of baptizing our own daughter, now our sister in Christ.

So I’m going on record: I take back all those worries about our kids not being part of traditional church programs.

The truth is, as a child, I experienced a lot of church—but our children are experiencing a lot of Christ.

What else could a mother possibly hope for?

Recession-Proof Faith

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”

—Jeremiah 29:11 NLT

As I was driving to Costco in Southlake the other day, I passed by the now-vacant monolith that used to be Circuit City. It seems surreal that the famous red logo is gone forever. But it’s not just Circuit City, of course. Everywhere you look these days, another business has closed its doors or filed for bankruptcy. Chances are, you know someone who has lost a job in the past few months. Or perhaps that someone is you.

In these challenging economic times, many people—hardworking, loyal, and highly skilled people—have landed on the cutting-room floor of downsized company budgets and suddenly find themselves living paycheck to . . . no paycheck. And others who still have their jobs feel anxious and stressed, going to work every day in fear that they, too, might get the dreaded pink slip.

Let’s face it: during a recession that has lasted longer and is more widespread than anyone expected, it’s hard not to worry about what will happen tomorrow, next week, next month, or even next year. Especially when the daily news details story after story of financial and political turmoil across the world and in our own neighborhoods. But, as Christians, we should not be anxious or worried about the future. That’s easier to say than to do, as we all know. There’s a good reason that the most often repeated command in the Bible is “Do not fear”!

God assures us that nothing that happens in this world is outside His perfect plan, including the current economic recession. Even when circumstances seem bleak, He promises that His plans are “for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope” (Jeremiah 29:11).

When we are tempted to fear what tomorrow may hold, He urges us, “Remember the things I have done in the past. For I alone am God! I am God, and there is none like me. Only I can tell you the future before it even happens. Everything I plan will come to pass, for I do whatever I wish” (Isaiah 46:9–10).

In other words, we don’t have to worry about tomorrow, because all of our tomorrows are in God’s hands.

And whenever we start to fret about whether we will be able to pay the bills or buy groceries, we can take comfort in our heavenly Father’s promise to take care of us and to provide for our daily needs.

That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? … So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. (Matthew 6:25, 31–33)

How can you have recession-proof faith?

By remembering that God, who loves you, will give you everything you need.

When doubt arises, remember what God has already done for you. Think back to the situations He has already brought you through. Look at how many times He has restored your joy. Take courage in knowing that He will bring you through, no matter the situation.

And when you need an extra boost of faith, consider the apostle Paul’s prescription for finding peace in troubled times:

Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice! … Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. (Philippians 4:4, 6–7)

So the next time you find yourself feeling anxious and worried about the future, take a moment to rejoice in the Lord, tell Him what you need, and thank Him for what He has done. Then He will send you what you need most of all—His peace.

This article appears in the July-August issue of Haslet Style.

New Life, Restored Sight, and Final Healing

For those of you who are regular readers of my blog, thank you for your patience the past two weeks. In the past fourteen days, I have experienced a vast spectrum of human emotions—from amazing joy and celebration of my younger daughter’s new life in Christ, to the worry and fear of my older daughter’s eye surgery and the excruciating wait to know the results (which are very positive, praise the Lord!), to receiving news that made me drop everything to travel my dear grandmother’s bedside for a week, helping my mother care for her as Grannie waits to go to heaven and be finally, fully healed.

In due time, I will write about each of these experiences, so stay tuned. I have only two days at home to spend with my family and catch up on manuscripts (and have Internet access), and then I will go back to my grandmother’s bedside, should the Lord not yet call her home.

In the coming weeks, I will share with you the journey the Lord has taken our family on this summer. I appreciate your continued thoughts and prayers as we await my grandmother’s homegoing.

In the meantime, check out my husband's blog about a memorable wedding he officiated this week. It's an amazing story about how God changes lives, sometimes even in the middle of a wedding ceremony!

Blocking "HolyGod"

About a year ago, I finally caught up with the twenty-first century and joined Twitter. For those of you who have been living under a rock, or perhaps are not technologically inclined, Twitter is a social messaging website where you post short updates (140 characters or less) that can be viewed by your “followers,” people who have permission to be included among those who are able to receive a regular feed of your posts.

At the advice of Michael Hyatt, CEO of Thomas Nelson and cutting-edge business leader, I began viewing my Facebook and Twitter accounts not only as ways to keep up with my friends and family, but also as opportunities to begin building an online “brand.” In his blog on the subject, Hyatt reveals, “By the way, I accept all friend requests on both Twitter and Facebook. Period.”

A few weeks ago, I took Hyatt’s advice and began accepting all “follower” requests on Twitter. The results have been fun! I’ve discovered many other people involved in the publishing industry, church planting and ministry, and families just like ours. I’ve also accepted follower requests from marketers, real estate agents, life coaches, and completely random people I have nothing in common with. And you know what, it’s been fun to read their updates and begin to get to know these people in a casual way.

Now, I’ve gotten a few bizarre follower requests along the way, but the one I got yesterday tops them all. Literally.

Yesterday, I was contacted by “HolyGod”—who requested to follow me on Twitter.

Huh?

I checked out the Twitter profile, and sure enough, it’s someone who is pretending to be the Creator of the universe. He (she?) tells people when to expect rain, gives status reports on his ongoing fight with Satan, etc. Surprisingly, in the post-Christian Twitterverse, “HolyGod” has more than ten thousand followers.

Before I go any further, let me assure you that I do have a sense of humor. I don’t take myself too seriously, and I appreciate tongue-in-cheek biblical humor as much as the next person.

But to me, what “HolyGod” was posting on Twitter crossed the line. It wasn’t just satire; it was sacrilege. (Note: this is my own opinion; I am in no way criticizing anyone who does follow HolyGod on Twitter. Please, no irate e-mails.)

Fortunately, Twitter has a function that allows you to “block” people from being your followers. So instead of hitting “Follow” (in return), I simply clicked the option that says “Block.” After being prompted by a screen making absolutely certain I want to block this person (yes, I did), I then got a bold, large message scrawled across the top of my Twitter page:

YOU HAVE BLOCKED HOLYGOD.

I couldn’t help but snicker at the irony of the message. And then I thought…

How many times in my own life do I actually block Holy God? (The real, almighty Creator of the universe, not the Twitter version.)

When I sense God’s nudging to pray for someone or call a friend, do I act on it—or do I “block” Holy God, thinking I’ll get to that later, when I have more time?

When I have the opportunity to share the gospel or help someone in need, do I act on it—or do I “block” Holy God from using me in that way?

When I have the time to study God's Word or deepen my faith through our church's growth groups and Bible studies, do I joyfully take advantage of these opportunities—or do I “block” Holy God from growing my faith through these outlets?

I could go on, but I think you get the picture. So here’s my challenge to you (and me) today:

Today, and in days to come, when you sense God nudging you,

will you “block” Him, or will you “follow” Him?

It's Never Too Late to Finish Well

My life has already been poured out as an offering to God. The time of my death is near. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, and I have remained faithful.
--2 Timothy 4:6-7 NLT


As most of you have heard by now, this week marked the passing of three American icons—Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, and Michael Jackson. Last night, I read a few online news stories as the nation mourned the loss of these celebrities—some of the most recognizable names in television, movies, and music.

Though death is a cause for remembrance and celebration of lives well lived, as I began to read some of the obituaries of these three celebrities, I realized that their passing also presents us with a very real challenge: What will others say about us when our time on earth is over?

In an AP article announcing his death, Michael Jackson is described as “the sensationally gifted child star who rose to become the King of Pop and the biggest celebrity in the world only to fall from his throne in a freakish series of scandals.”

Farrah Fawcett’s obit describes one of her last television appearances, viewed by thousands on YouTube, as incoherent and disjointed, with the 50-year-old actress giving a series of rambling answers to the bewildered David Letterman.

Ed McMahon's obituary notes financial problems that kept him in the headlines in his last years, including possible foreclosure on his Beverly Hills mansion and legal action involving other alleged debts.

Yikes! Would you want any of these words etched into your tombstone?

Scandals.
Incoherent.
Bankrupt.

Me neither. But then again, what will my obituary say? Am I living in such a way that the ones I leave behind will be encouraged, enlightened, and emboldened by my example? Or will my passing from this earth be a cause of relief, regret, or—worse yet—unnoticed by those I hold most dear?

It’s a sobering thought. But thankfully, it’s never too late to finish well.

I don’t know about you, but after watching the news this week, I really, really want to finish well. I want to be able to say, like the apostle Paul, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, and I have remained faithful” (2 Timothy 4:7).

But the longer I walk with God, the more I realize with startling clarity just how far short I fall from His glory. With thirty-five years behind me and only God knows how many more ahead, I have to cling tightly to the God’s promise that His grace is sufficient for me, for His power is made perfect in weakness (2 Corinthians 12:15). And I am increasingly grateful that the Lord’s steadfast love never changes, and His mercies are new every morning! (Lamentations 3:22–23).

And someday—perhaps today, maybe years from now—when the Lord calls me home, I hope my epitaph says something like this:

“Jennifer Stair was a woman after God’s own heart. She loved God, was devoted to her husband and family, and faithfully shared God’s love with others as she fulfilled His plan for her life.”

What about you? Are you finishing your life well? What do you want your epitaph to say?

Should Kids Be Allowed to Watch Sad Movies?

Last weekend, our family saw the new Pixar movie Up. We’d seen the trailer, and it looked like something the kids would actually sit through in a theater. (With three kids ages seven and under, we don’t often make it to the “big screen”—we usually wait for movies to come out on DVD.) But my fastidious husband had collected enough Coke points for four free movie tickets, and he thought it would be a fun Father’s Day treat to see a movie with the whole family.

As I always do before our kids watch a movie (especially ones rated PG), I checked a few parent review websites (such as http://www.pluggedinonline.com/) to make sure the movie was okay. Satisfied that it was suitable for our kids, we made plans for our Father’s Day movie excursion.

I happened to mention to a group of mom friends that we were taking the kids to see Up, and one of them responded, “Oh, I would never take my kids to that movie. I heard it’s sad.” A few other moms nodded in agreement. “I heard it even makes you cry,” one mom explained.

I was surprised at the number of online reviews for Up that mirror my friends’ opinion: “This movie has some sad themes, so it’s not suitable for children.”

Really? Sad movies are not suitable for children? What about Miracle on 34th Street? Bambi? Or for that matter, any of the Disney movies? (A friend once pointed out that in almost every Disney movie, at least one character dies. Think about it: The Lion King [Mufasa], Beauty and the Beast [Gaston], Sleeping Beauty [the witch], Cinderella [her parents], etc.)

As a kid, I remember bawling so hard while reading A Taste of Blackberries that I could barely make out the words. And when we watched Where the Red Fern Grows at school, even though I had read the book and knew the ending, I still cried for the rest of the day, so sad for Billy and the loss of his beloved dogs.

It got me thinking: in this helicopter-parenting age, have we possibly overprotected our children to the extent that we’re not allowing them to understand the full spectrum of life? Now don’t get me wrong: I’m not saying we should tell our young children all the sordid details of adult situations. But have you ever sat down and explained to your children what it means when a person dies, or miscarries a child, or experiences a broken family? These kinds of things are happening to your kids’ friends (or perhaps even to your own children). Are you taking the opportunity to explain these situations to your children in a gentle, age-appropriate way? Or do you ignore or avoid them, trying to protect your children from things that are sad?

Maybe it’s because Brett is in the ministry, so when we pray together as a family, we often pray (without specific details) for members of our church who are experiencing health issues, the loss of loved ones, or other sad life events. Our children join us in praying for God to heal our friends’ broken hearts and help them experience His comfort and peace. And maybe it’s because our family has experienced our fair share of sad life events, including miscarriage, the death of loved ones, and even the death of a beloved pet. When these kinds of things happen, Brett and I explain them to our children in an age-appropriate, Christ-honoring way.

And yes, we have allowed our children to watch sad movies. We’ve cried together over Old Yeller and mourned the death of Matthew Cuthbert in Anne of Green Gables. And when our oldest daughter recently read a book about the Titanic, she cried when she discovered the ending that we know, but she didn’t—not everyone made it to the life boats. It was a great opportunity for us to talk about the importance of giving your heart to Christ and the urgency of sharing the gospel, because even “the ship that couldn’t sink” did, and none of us is guaranteed tomorrow.

So what do you think: is it okay for younger children to watch sad movies (or read sad books)?

If so, why? If not, why not?

The Impact of a Life Well Lived--A Tribute to My Mother

Her children rise up and call her blessed. . . .
“Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.”
—Proverbs 31:28–29 ESV

Several times over the years, people have asked me, “Who had the most influence on your life?” From the time I was young until today, my answer has never changed—unquestionably, unwaveringly, out of all the godly people I have known during more than a decade of Christian ministry and all the amazing, bestselling authors I have been blessed to work with over the years, the most influential person in my life is my mother--Jan Haney.

My mom gave her heart to Christ as a young girl, and she has consistently lived a life of extraordinary faith through the years, despite incredible challenges. A stay-at-home mother of three girls, Mom was happily married to a godly and widely respected man, sang in the choir, taught Sunday school and Bible studies, volunteered at her children’s schools, and touched the lives of countless friends and neighbors with her faithful prayers and words of encouragement.

And then one cold February night in 1989, Mom went to bed a content stay-at-home mom, and she woke up a widowed, jobless, single mother of three.

The days and weeks after Dad’s unexpected homegoing are still a bit of a blur—I was only fifteen—but I remember that through her grief, Mom’s faith never wavered. “God is faithful, and He will take care of our family,” she assured us, despite the fact that she had no job and hadn’t worked outside the home in more than seventeen years. “We will never go hungry, because God is our Provider. Don’t you ever forget that.”

My younger sister, Heather, who was only nine when Dad died, recalls how much Mom relied on God during those difficult days:

One of my most vivid memories from when I was little was early one morning, it was still dark outside, and I must have been sick or something, because I woke up and was going to find Mom. She wasn't in her room, so I crept out all bleary eyed into the living room. It was dark in the den where I was standing, and she was in the kitchen at the table. Except she was on her knees and she was literally draped over a kitchen chair and she was singing “Great Is Thy Faithfulness” with all her heart. Not that it was loud, just full of emotion. And I remember being a little scared at first, because I had never seen Mom like that before, that emotional, maybe only in the days right after Dad died. But it still overwhelms me to think about it today.

And I think about that day a lot. I've told countless people about it when I tell the story about how my Dad died, because it made such an impact on me how she handled it all. And I feel like I got to witness just how she was able to handle it all. Because she literally gave up and fell onto Christ the way she fell onto that chair. And still to this day I can't sing “Great Is Thy Faithfulness” without getting a huge lump in my throat that usually results in sobbing.

So when I think of Mom and what she's taught me, I think of the song “Great Is Thy Faithfulness” and how incredibly faithful God has been to her, and to us. And I think about how in love with Jesus and desperate for Him she was and is. And the older I get, the more amazing it is. When I got married, it became more amazing. Every time I faced a seemingly overwhelming trial, it became more amazing. And now that I have [my daughter] Emmy, it's more amazing still. How faithful God was to carry her through the loss of her beloved and so much more. And how many people's lives have been impacted for Christ because of her incredible testimony of His faithfulness.

In the years following Dad’s death, when it seemed the foundations of our family could have crumbled beneath us, Mom gave us a sense of continuity and security by making sure we continued our many family traditions, especially the ones Dad had done with us. From the silly (having breakfast for dinner on Sunday nights) to the serious (reading the story of Jesus’ birth by candlelight from the family Bible on Christmas Eve), Mom and the three of us Haney girls have continued our family traditions over the years as a way of reassuring ourselves that we are still a family, still together and for each other, no matter what may come.

My older sister, Beth, is especially grateful for many of the traditions Mom continued in our family:

One tradition I remember fondly is morning devotionals. Growing up, our family would start each morning with Mom reading a devotional over breakfast followed by prayer time. There is something comforting about knowing that you are being prayed over each day, especially on mornings when I was away at college. As a mom myself, I know there are many mornings I covet five more minutes of sleep; reflecting on my Mom’s dedication to our tradition of regular morning devotionals inspires me to do likewise with my children.

Another family tradition Mom celebrates is birthday dinners. I know many moms make birthdays special when children are young, but I am blessed to have a mom who still goes out of her way to make birthdays memorable no matter how old we get. To this day, I still gather with my family at Mom’s house on my birthday to have her prepare my favorite dinner and dessert, which she serves on a “Special Day” plate. As the years go by, I cherish my turn with the special plate more and more.

Out of the many traditions my mom began or continued over the years, my favorite will always be Mom’s Christmas pajamas. Every Christmas Eve, Mom gives each member of her family new pajamas. We sleep in them that night and wear them while opening presents on Christmas morning. Her joy in selecting and giving the pajamas, coupled with her amusement as we all parade around in them, makes this tradition priceless. What's more, after a long day when my husband is out of town and I have had it with the kids, I often put on a pair of pajamas from Mom and it is as if she is giving me a much-needed hug. What a treasured tradition.

The many family traditions Mom established (or continued after Dad’s passing) instilled in me a sense of security, identity, and unconditional love. Her example encourages me to carry on some of her traditions with my own family, in addition to creating traditions of my own. Thank You, God, for an incredible mother.

Now that we are grown with children of our own, my sisters and I are more grateful than ever for Mom’s consistent example of faithfulness and love for the Lord and her family. Like Beth, on mornings when I want to roll over and get just five more minutes of sleep, I think of my mom, who still gets up at 4 30 a.m. to meet with her Lord and study His Word before beginning her day. And when I am tempted to selfishly gripe about how difficult it is to work and also raise three kids, I think about my mom, who—just a few years older than I am now—suddenly found herself the sole breadwinner for her own three children, with no husband to turn to when she was overwhelmed, tired, and needed some “me time.”

All these years, Mom has faithfully served her Lord; taken care of hundreds of children as Argyle Elementary’s beloved “Nurse Haney”; taught dozens of women in her Thursday night Precept Bible studies; and supported, encouraged, and prayed for her three daughters as we all graduated high school, received university degrees, got stable jobs, met and married godly men, became involved in various church ministries and even full-time pastoral ministry, and now are raising the next generation of children who will, Lord willing, will also grow up to be faithful men and women of God, like their grandmother.

Thank you, Mom, for such an amazing legacy!

Respect and serve the Lord!
Your reward will be wealth, a long life, and honor.
—Proverbs 22:4 CEV